'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I deserve this hangover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize