dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
