I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
