____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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