I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
