Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
