I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
