friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
