So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How external is "for external use only"?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
