When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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