If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
