she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
