He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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