I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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