The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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