Pregnant stripper...not hot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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