Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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