I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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