my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
