It's like God shit irony all over that family
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
