upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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