Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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