i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
