If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
