so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
