i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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