I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
