its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
