just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
PANTIES FOUND
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
