Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
