I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
