and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
