she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
