Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
