Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
