sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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