My sheets look like a crime scene.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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