I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
