Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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