So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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