Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
