He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
