So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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