why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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