whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
