her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
