Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
