My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
