I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
