I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
