Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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