yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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