Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
