She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
