I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
