if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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