MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
