is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
