she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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