So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
