I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize