So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
