Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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