he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think i got beer on your cat.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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