I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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