im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
