At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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