Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my phone needs a breathalizer
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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