he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
