maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
