dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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