Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
