She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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