are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
