Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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