i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
