Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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