the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
